Saying Goodbye, Letting go.

Since I have been home for Christmas break, I have heard it many times, “your great grandma is about to die. The end is drawing near.” At first, I thought that I had a pretty good understanding about death, and the effects that it has on a family. I have dealt with grieving people before, and I have been there in the darkest moments of a death of a close friend or family member.
I haven’t cried in front of my family since I was in the third grade. I have been known as the tough and strong one and the comfort to those in need. I always seem to have comforting word to say, and two arms for holding, but I am at a point in this with my great grandma, that I am the one who wants a comforting word, or to be held when I am crying.
I don’t know how to ask for it. A part of me wants to just shut myself down, and become numb to it all, and placing on a happy face like I am so used to doing. I need to take this all to God, and let him be the comfort that I am looking for.
This will be the first death in my family that I am old enough to remember. My great grandpa went home many years ago, and I know that he is waiting for grandma.
It’s different now, needing someone to be there, but I am still working on it. This death thing, being so close to me this time, is making me stop and think.
I am trying to remain positive and think about how soon my great grandparents will be together again in Heaven.
I know that soon the time will be here, and I am trying to prepare myself for when that last phone call comes, but right now, I am letting God be my peace, and I will let him carry me through all of it.


The end of a year, and the beginning of a new one

As we stand at the end of 2010, I look back and think about this year….Wow. I have graduated high school, leaving everything I know, and have entered college, and even finished my first semester with excellent grades. Where has this year gone? I have had many bumps, slip ups, hurts, and pains, but they have all been followed up by love, happiness, peace, joy, and most of all REDEMPTION.
Since going to Greenville, I have been working on so many things, and coming home for Christmas break, I was able to allow God to show me the progress that I have been working on for so long. I have proved to myself that I can be accountability for myself, and I can do things that will trigger positive things to take place in my life. The importance of needing people has become very real to me; I now know that we are all a community of believers, who NEED each other. God has given me an amazing support system, and I am learning more and more every day to go to them when I need it.
I am still continuing to learn and grow, and I am ready to see where God takes me in this next semester of school, as well as the next year. I have given myself the ability to keep pushing forward, fighting temptation, and clinging to Christ, and finding out that I am loved for who I am every single day.
I am looking forward to what is next. I have a fire and a passion, and I am so ready to go for Christ. I am fully aware that slip ups, bumps, and curves in the road, but I know that I have a God who will keep showing me every single day, if I am willing, that I am loved, and I have a community of believers that will hold me up in prayer as well as being accountability.
2011 is looking up to be an amazing year, I am going to let God lead me in all that I do, and use my life and experiences in it as a learning and growing experience.