Saying Goodbye, Letting go.

Since I have been home for Christmas break, I have heard it many times, “your great grandma is about to die. The end is drawing near.” At first, I thought that I had a pretty good understanding about death, and the effects that it has on a family. I have dealt with grieving people before, and I have been there in the darkest moments of a death of a close friend or family member.
I haven’t cried in front of my family since I was in the third grade. I have been known as the tough and strong one and the comfort to those in need. I always seem to have comforting word to say, and two arms for holding, but I am at a point in this with my great grandma, that I am the one who wants a comforting word, or to be held when I am crying.
I don’t know how to ask for it. A part of me wants to just shut myself down, and become numb to it all, and placing on a happy face like I am so used to doing. I need to take this all to God, and let him be the comfort that I am looking for.
This will be the first death in my family that I am old enough to remember. My great grandpa went home many years ago, and I know that he is waiting for grandma.
It’s different now, needing someone to be there, but I am still working on it. This death thing, being so close to me this time, is making me stop and think.
I am trying to remain positive and think about how soon my great grandparents will be together again in Heaven.
I know that soon the time will be here, and I am trying to prepare myself for when that last phone call comes, but right now, I am letting God be my peace, and I will let him carry me through all of it.

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