I hope that you know how big of a mess up you are. There are so many things in your life that are broken because of you. You are not beautiful in any way, and you have too many walls. The inside of you is just as ugly as the outside. Nothing you do will ever be good enough, people don’t really love you, and most of all, you let God down time after time.
Your relationship with your family…Yeah, you messed that one up big time. You are not a loving daughter, which causes them to push you over the edge often, and then you feel like a failure, which is so true. They tried to love you at once, I’m sure, but you were so self-absorbed that you were only focused on yourself, so the relationships began to fall apart. The way they treat you today, yeah, your brought that all on yourself, so stop being upset about it. You cannot change what you once did, so just live with the fact that you messed it up.
Now look…You have no relationships to fall back on, so you begin to search for other things because you don’t feel loved, well the reason you don’t feel loved is because you don’t talk to your parents, even if they don’t talk to you, you should talk to them, but you don’t so not feeling loved, yeah, that’s your fault too.
And seventh grade? Remember that? I do. That is where you really began to mess up your life. An eating disorder? really? I hope that you are happy. You kidneys are against you now, and you have a lot of other health things as a result of that. You are still dealing with it today, you know what that means? That you are not strong enough…As a person, but most of all in your faith.
Your friendships, you don’t really have any. People don’t love you. They are just nice to you because you are always around. All of those people you talk to, yeah, I’m sure they really don’t like you. You are not a good friend to the people around you. You let them down often, and will never live up to their standards. Lots of friendships you have ruined. I hope your happy.
Just know that you need people too much. Why can’t you learn to do it on your own strength? Those three close people who have poured into your life in the past seven months, they are doing it because they have a mighty God who gives them strength to deal with you. Don’t think they love you, they don’t. No one in your life has ever really loved you, so why would they be any different?
There are lots of other things too, but why do I need to say them to you. The truth that you think in your head often about yourself is SO true. Your ugly, not skinny enough, a mess up, too needy, a weak person, and a failure to God and the people around you.
*I finally wrote that honest letter to myself. Reading it makes me cry, wow, I am one messed up girl. The Bible study challenge is to write a truth filled letter this week, maybe that will come, maybe it wont.