I hope that you know that you are broken, but beautifully broken. You are NOT a mess up. There are so many things in your life that are messed up, but NONE of it is just because of you. You are BEAUTIFUL in every way; you have too many walls, so work on that with a select group of people, okay? The inside of you is just as beautiful as the outside. Everything you do will be good enough for God, if you do it for His glory. People DO really love you, and most of all, you NEVER let God down, he rejoices over you.
Your relationship with your family…Yeah, I know it’s hard, I have lived it. You are a loving daughter, even if you don’t feel like you have lived up to their standards, you are still loving to them. They tried to love you at once, you need to take it upon yourself to fix it back to the way you want it. The way they treat you today, is something that is hard, yes, but I PROMISE you, people in your life are going to fill that void, and you need to heal, so let those who fill in as parents help you. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT!! You can only control you and your actions, not them.
Now look…You have SO MANY relationships to fall back on. You began to search for other things because you don’t feel loved and you were hurt even more. BUT thanks and praise to the Lord most high, who sent you the most AMAZING people! How in the world can you not see that you are loved? There are SO many relationships in your life that are healthy, I mean, come on, those RC’s they love you (:
And seventh grade? Remember that? I do. That is where you really began trust the world, that that hurt God, but he FORAVE you! An eating disorder took you over, and you became lost. I know, I know, you think that you have messed up for good, but know this: Your kidneys are against you now, and you have a lot of other health things as a result of your struggle, but your God is GREATER! He has overcome the grave, He can overcome this. You are still dealing with it today, you know what that means? That you are strong enough, because you have put up the fight this long. It makes you strong not only as a person, but also in your faith.
Your friendships, you have SO many. People REALLY DO love you. They are nice to you because you are always around to encourage and love them. All of those people you talk to, yeah, I’m sure they love you so much; they would do ANYTHING for you. You are such a good friend to the people around you. You let them down sometimes, because you are human, and will never live up to their standards, because you should try to live up to God’s not peoples.
Just know that you need people too much, but that’s okay, you are dealing with a lot of stuff. Why can’t you learn that you CANNOT do it on your own strength? Those three close people who have poured into your life in the past seven months, they are doing it because they LOVE YOU and have a mighty God who gives them strength to deal with your issues. PLEASE think they love you, they DO. People in your life really have loved you, so why would they be any different?
There are lots of other things too, I DO need to say them to you, because you don’t think that you are good enough. If you don’t believe me, how about these people, they love you:
“I believe that you are beautiful, and you are awesome as well”~Sarah.
“You are BEAUTIFUL, you are a creation of the creator of the universe, and he creates beauty” ~Miranda
“I have a beautiful roommate, inside and out! And I LOVE her! She is doing amazing things at GC, she is the next Kayli Catron or Sarah Dothager” ~Betsy
“Go change the world”~Pastor Michael
“I am so glad to have a daughter like you”~Momma Cindy
“I am SO proud of you”~Momma Hiller
The list of people and quotes could go on and on, believe THOSE people, they know the real you, and they STILL love you!
The truth that you think in your head often about yourself is SO NOT true. Your BEAUTIFUL, The right size, NOT a mess up, NOT too needy, a STRONG person, and a KINGDOAM ADVANCER for God and the people around you.
*I did it! I didn’t want to. And to be honest, I don’t believe any of it, but I am so thankful that God has placed people in my life to speak the truth, even if I don’t want to listen to it. I love you guys, and I am SO thankful for you!