I am sure that this is going to seem like I am jumping all over the place, but I promise, this is all going to tie together in the end…
Maybe I should start back at the week at school before Spring Break. I was not myself. I kept pushing things back, and I tried not to think about anything, and was hoping that things would just go away. I filled my time with homework, coffee dates, and kept myself busy with things. I blocked out the ones who love me the most, and I fell back into my unhealthy habit. I need to go back an apologize to my friends, and explain everything to them….That will be both hard and different for me, but it needs to be done.
I decided to be a little more real with a friend, but I still kept my guard up. I didn’t know how she was going to respond to what I was saying, but as the conversation went on, she did nothing but love, care, support, and listen to what I was saying. She was honest with me, and told me nothing but truth. She told me to sit and think about things over break, and when I come back, we are going to talk about what it is I am going to do….
Well, I know somewhat of what I want to talk about with her. I have made it so far since starting college, and I know that last week was just a slip up, and I want to move past it. I know that I made poor choices, and that it was a stupid choice, but I am for real done this time, I thought that going back I would have the same attachment to it, but I didn’t I NEVER want to go down that road again. I want to get professional help, so that I do not continue to drain the people in my life who mean the most to me with this.
This break I have been able to really look at my life, and notice the things that I am wanting to change. I need to take time to manage all things. I cannot push things to the back of my mind, and I cannot just let things go. I have made a few bad choices, but I know that God is working through them, and I am growing and learning through them.
I know what I need to do, and I want to do it. I am ready to put this “plan” into action, and begin to take the next step in the healing process. This break has been a restoration time. I know that I need to change, and I am ready. I have been working and moving through issues in my life, and this is just the next step. I am making progress, and this was just a small step.
I finally realized on Thursday night, that my support system at school is unchanging, and they will not leave me, and that to me was a comfort…