Easter with the Gilleland’s

I love my family (:

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Hope.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” ~Isiah 40:31

This verse seems to have a close tie to my heart. As I read it, I pick it apart, piece by piece and find the truth and hope that God has imbedded in it for me.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength…”~For quite some time now, I have been working on putting my hope in God instead of other things. For a long time, I was putting my hope in looking beautiful, or being “okay”(Whatever that means) or having good friends, or whatever it is that day, and putting God second in all of it-I was exhausted, worn out, and fed up. I have found myself recently back in this position. I have been putting my hope in things of this world. Such as having a good group of friends-then I will be happy, and I can do God’s will. Or having the idea of perfection in my head, and once I gain that in my life, I will be happy, and I will feel more energized and able to God’s work. I have come to realize in the past few days that this is wrong, and this idea is not the way it should be. I do NOT need to be putting my hope in things of this world, that will gain me noting, and I will be exhausted still-instead I will put my hope in the Lord, and my strength will be renewed, and I will be able to go out and do His will for my life.

The rest of the verse leaves me thinking about the race that we are running in this life. If I continue to put my hope in the Lord, he will renew my strength, and everything else will follow. We are not promised an easy life, but God has things in store for us, if we put our trust in him.

I guess really the main reason why this verse is so close to my heart tonight is because of all of the stuff that is going on. I am always looking for the next best thing to place my hope in, but in reality, I know that nothing will satisfy this longing that I have in my heart to feel a peace-quite like placing my hope in Christ will.

Thoughts of today

Here is the truth….

I am completely okay, and peaceful in the presence of God.

I have a void that is in need of being filled.

There is only one person at Greenville who really knows me.

Sometimes I wonder what life would look like if I would have made better choices.

*So here are the thoughts that are running crazy through my head right now, praying.

What I learned from Kendra Smiley this weekend.

This weekend, I was given the honor of meeting Kendra Smiley. She lives in my roommates hometown, and they all know her, so I got to sit and talk to her and ask her any questions that I wanted.

I was so excited to sit and listen to what she had to say, and I am sure that I was hanging on to every word that she had to say. So much wisdom and awesome ministry advice came from her, that it’s hard to write and talk about everything that she said…

I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, and I don’t think that it could have come at a better time. She was talking about passions and following God’s will and call for your life, and how we all have a special unique song in our hearts that we are all to sing back to God. So much went along with that conversation, that I will not soon forget. It was much needed, and I was glad to hear her talk about being your OWN person, and singing YOUR song to Christ.

Thank you Kendra Smiley for speaking straight into my heart this weekend. It was an honor to get to meet you and talk to you (:

When a mom holds her newborn baby…

For some reason or another, tonight all I want to do is be held, so that I can cry. To have someone tell me that they truly care, and want to be here for me. I don’t want to push myself onto people, so I have moved through the evening, but with this longing to know that I am loved and cared for.

I need to learn that my time to be held and loved in that way is long past me. I am now 19, that is how you show affection to a younger child. I didn’t have it…In a sense, I feel like I have missed out…..Almost like something is missing….And now the tears come. The subject of family has been heavy on my heart tonight…..Praying.