Food doesn’t seem to have the hold on my like it did before. I see myself moving past the struggle of an eating disorder, and moving into a stage of healing and growth. I know that the after math of what I have done to myself for so long is going to continue to play out, but I am learning to forgive myself for that.
But now, I am left with a largely broken self-image. I have found that for so long, I found my worth and self-image in an eating disorder, and now that I feel like I have overcome it, I have nothing, except for broken pieces that are in need of being placed back together.
I am not saying in ANY way that I am completely free from my past, but I feel as if God has brought me to a place where I can say, I used to have this as an issue. It still comes up at times, but the people who have been constant with me, and love and support me, will continue to do so as I begin to heal.
Now, back to what is left. When I think about what is being placed before me, I see a huge pile of building blocks with words on them, such as: loved, beautiful, worthy, valued, needed, caring, and many others. These blocks have been destroyed by the fallen world that we live in. They all work together to build something awesome, but have been destroyed. They need a work crew to come in and restore what was once whole. A work crew made up of a leader and people who are working to advance the work of the leader, will need to be called upon before work can begin….I am crying out for the leader to begin construction on the self-image that I and the world have destroyed, and God will call his crew to come in and remind me of so many things that will keep this moving along.
I am beyond blessed and thankful that God has given me this peace that is inside of my heart now. I am moving forward, but right now I am beyond vulnerable to the world, and constant positive affirmation reminders from people who love me are what are going to get me to the next level.