4 days, and here I am:

Not okay.

Too focused on perfection to talk….but trying.

In pain, but putting on a mask.

BackĀ  to my senior year of high school.

Lost.

Confused.

Questioning.

Looking for a hope.

At rock bottom….or headed that way.

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10 things in my head.

1. I am WAY to busy to keep up with my life, and make everyone happy all at the same time. I am sure there have been many points already this week that I have disappointed someone, or made someone upset with me. I like to do, but lately doing has been robbing me of sleep, strength and wellness. I am tired all of the time, sick for a large amount of the time, and just exhausted after doing the smallest things. I need to learn how to take my time management skills, and put more Brittney time in, to take care of myself.

2. I have the most AMAZING people in my life. It is like God is pouring out His love through some of the greatest people who I come into contact with on a daily basis. I have been growing new relationships, and watching old ones, change, but I keep trusting that God will have his hand over all of the relationships that are in my life. Many have stayed the same, and for that I am so grateful and thankful.

3. I miss last year….A LOT! I am still trying to let go of the wishful thinking that things will be going back to normal soon, and start living in the present, and enjoying the many blessings that are surrounding me now.

4. Being real with people is hard….Still a work in progress.

5. Sometimes I think that I am too closed off, and the fake face is starting to crack. Vespers on Thursday started theĀ  cracking, and it has continued to be a breaking process, but I am yet to really share with anyone.

6. I have decided today that a restart button would be fantastic.

7. My emotions have been coming out though lifetime movies the past weekend.

8. Working with the children’s ministry at The Free Methodist Church completes my life.

9. I want to feel peaceful about something that I have been dealing with, but I don’t know where I need to be searching for it at. In worship….scripture….Godly people….the presence of God. I am not sure. I am search, but I am starting to wonder if I am searching too hard.

10. I am making it my goal this week to be completely real with someone.