The past 4 days…Then Reality.

Thursday: I spent almost 2 hours with Mallory. It was beautiful. Restoring. And so needed.

Then, I sat in Jo’s with Ali…It wasn’t long, but it was lovely.

Friday: I slept in. I was able to catch up on the much needed sleep that I had deprived myself from a few nights before.

In the afternoon, I had coffee with Rachel Dothager…Can we talk about a needed thing for my heart? It was fantastic, and sometimes I wish she was still at Greenville…

That night, Pastor Lori and I sat in Breadco for hours, crocheting, taking, drinking Chai and coffee. It was pretty much the most wonderful thing. Her pastoral wisdom is always in tune with the things that I never say out loud.

Saturday: I dedicated this day to allowing God to restore me. I went to the church for a little while, but it didn’t really help much, so I sat outside, with the sun beating down, and the cold wind whistling around me…It was a brittney kind of day… I don’t feel any different, but hey, I just have to have faith about it all.

Sunday: I went to lunch with the grandparents…It’s always a joy to see them. I do love them. A lot.

Then, I sat in the living room, crocheting, watching Honey Boo Boo, and doing laundry…It was so fantastic….But really.

 

Now, tomorrow, school starts…I have to start with no friends. Sure, I have those smiling faces that I often come into contact with, and I love them, and they care about me, but it just isn’t the same. I have been pushing it out of my mind, but tomorrow, reality strikes…

I have been hurt by so many things there, things that I shouldn’t even have to be dealing with…Rach made me feel better when we had coffee, but it still doesn’t take away the reality of the hurt.

It’s second semester of my junior year…There are plenty of good things to look forward to…Vespers, HarvestKids, Maybe even make a few friends… Please treat me well spring semester, I don’t know if I can handle anything but a god one.

The Wonder of the Cross

O precious sight, my Savior stands
Dying for me with outstretched hands
O precious sight, I love to gaze
Remembering salvation's day
Remembering salvation's day

Though my eyes linger on this scene
May passing time and years not steal
The power with which it impacts me
The freshness of it's mystery
The freshness of it's mystery

Chorus:
May I never lose the wonder
The wonder of the cross
May I see it like the first time
Standing as a sinner lost
Undone by mercy and left speechless
Watching wide eyed at the cost
May I never lose the wonder
The wonder of the cross

Behold the God - Man crucified
The perfect sinless sacrifice
As blood ran down those nails and wood
History was split in two
Yes, History was split in two

Behold the empty wooden tree
His body gone, alive and free
We sing with everlasting joy
For sin and death have been destroyed
Yes sin and death have been destroyed

Chorus 
(bridge)
Chorus

Carry Me By: Josh Wilson.

Today I went on a drive.
Seeking.
Waiting.
Asking.
Pleading.
Begging.
Crying.
God PLEASE, I need to see you again. I need to feel you near. I want to be able to sit through a worship, better yet, I want to engage in worship.
I don’t have words, I don’t have an attitude worthy to enter worship, but I am asking you to just come and allow me to feel your presence, in a small simple way, just for a little while….
I had joy and peace two days ago, and it faded away so quickly that I miss is longer than I had it.
So tonight, I prayed. Prayed for the firs time in a long time. They weren’t my words, but the words of others, prayers that have been written out and sent to me, and tonight, that’s all I can do, but I am okay with that.
It’s a process. Baby steps.
I was reminded today that it’s not about the perfection, its about the baby steps that are progress, that produce redemption and a humble heart at the foot of the cross.
Im still seeking. waiting. asking. pleading. begging. crying.
But it’s all a part of the process, and the journey back to the food of the cross.

When we first talked to each other
I knew we would always be friends.
Our friendship has kept on growing
And I’ll be here for you to the end.

You listen when I have a problem
And help dry the tears from my face.
You take away my sorrow
And put happiness in its place.

We can’t forget the fun we’ve had
Laughing ’til our faces turn blue.
Talking of things only we find funny
People think we’re insane-If they only knew!

I guess this is my way of saying thanks
For catching me when I fall.
Thanks once again for being such a good friend
And being here with me through it all.

Why I do things like this to myself, I’m not real sure. This is me saying LOVE YOU, through tear filled eyes ♥

 
Sometimes I miss people. A lot.