Dear Eating Disorder,
Hello old friend, it has been awhile. You were a comfort to me in my time of need. You were a friend when I felt like my whole entire world was dark and spinning out of control. You always seemed to show up in the most extreme ways, on my most stressful days. Offering me control and a handle on the situations that overruled me.
You fooled me most days. I really let you have most of the control. You were like a bully. You told me what to eat, what to wear, what I said, what I did and how I interacted with the world. You were quite controlling, yet I didn’t want to let you go, you were the only friend I had.
I’m writing to let you know that you really stole a lot from me for 8 years. You took my joy, my happiness my passion, and my drive to do life on most days. You isolated me from those closest to me and made me think that you were the most important thing in the world. I started to live to please you. You were my idol, my god and I worshipped at your feet in the mirror of my imperfections. I pushed aside my religion, my friends, family, and school and consumed myself with your lies, your sweet talk, and empty promises.
You took so much from me and I won’t get a lot of things back, but I am here to let you know that I forgive you, but more importantly, I forgive myself for letting you control me.
When I walked away from you, from your lies, you gripping hand around my neck, and your disappointing look each time I looked in the mirror, things began to change in my life. I picked myself up off the floor and looked in the mirror for the first time at a woman who was created for more than lies and deceit.
I saw a woman who had been taken captive by a disorder that fed her sweet lies of perfection that quickly consumed her, broke her, then left her for dead. A woman who in that spot found a God that reached for her and fed for truth and hope and offered her life.
From that day forward I haven’t looked back. There have been days where you send me texts, tweets or send friends to offer me messages, but I have realized that I don’t need you.
I’m writing you to let you know that it’s time for you to leave me alone, but not just me, all of my friend all around the world who are feeling controlled, consumed and trapped by you. It’s time for us to be free. Let us go. We need to be free and away from you.
You were a good friend when I didn’t know any better, but now, I know that you were the worst thing that ever happened to me. I need you to be cut from my life forever.
A girl you no longer have control over