Empty spaces, vacant hearts.

We’re all thinking it, but no one is ready to say it yet. This holiday season, there’s an empty space in our hearts and a vacant seat at our dinner table. This year, we will gather to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas without the one who has kept us together for so long. There have been moments throughout the year where I whispered to myself, “you should be here”, but this week and the next month more than ever; I am wishing granny could be here.

 

To fill just a little piece of my heart, I decided to write a letter updating granny on what is happening in our lives. I’ve missed so much, but I think I highlighted what I could remember.

 

 

 

 

Dear Granny,

I want to start by saying I love you and miss you dearly. What I would give for one more Sunday dinner, one more trip to St. Louis, one more holiday. For the past 9 months, I have caught myself on several occasions remembering you and wishing you could be here. At first, I caught myself driving down your street looking for your wind chimes blowing in the wind. Then I became Sunday afternoon and I was upset that we couldn’t argue over who ate more. Then it became last week in class where the room smelled like your house. And now we are here. The day before we are to gather together to eat food and be thankful. I still miss you, still wish you could be a part of the holidays and the things that are happening in our lives. Yet, we gather to be thankful.

 

However, this year we are thankful for 91 years of laughs, meals and holidays. We are thankful for the days we spent packed into your house sitting on top of one another because coming to your house always felt like a homecoming. We are thankful for holidays spent at Tammy’s and grandma and grandpa’s where we have room to move around, take tons of pics and laugh and smile over what Brookie and Jacie are singing in the middle of he room. We are thankful that each of us has a memory that carries us on the hard days.

 

We are thankful for the past year, all of it! The good, the bad, the celebrations and the mourning. We are thankful that we have had moments of great joy, but also moments of great loss. Even when the moments are hard, we are thankful.

 

There have been several high school graduations, dances, new schools, a new baby and milestone birthdays this year! With each passing milestone and event that happens in our lives, I know we are all thinking to ourselves, you should be here. We want you to see how proud we are of Nick and David for graduating high school. How fast time is flying now that all 3 Dublo girls are in high school. How well Taylor is doing is softball. How Samantha is still rocking nursing school. How Brandon is awesome at playing football. How well Tyler is doing in college. How incredibly precious baby Owen is. How much your kids are sticking together and celebrating birthdays and holidays together. How well your grandchildren are doing and what they are doing in their lives and community. The list goes on and on. We are good, we are okay, and we are blessed.

 

Blessed that while we still grieve over the empty chair at our dinner table this year, there is new life and celebration. Blessed that while we grieve that there’s going to be an extra piece of pumpkin pie, there are kiddos ready to eat pie covered in whipped cream. Blessed that while it seems like it has been forever, we know we will see you again one day.

 

This thanksgiving and Christmas season, may we remember what is truly important. May we keep your memory alive in the simple ways and gather together to celebrate the new life and celebrations.

 

We are thankful for you and the values that you have instilled in us. Family is important, meals together are the best and time is precious. May we remember those things over the next few months, as we gather to celebrate the holidays.

 

Until I see you again, granny! We all miss you. This holiday season will not be the same without you.

 

The seat is empty and the void in our hearts is still there, but when we gather together this holiday season, may your memory be kept alive.

 

Love you,

Brittney

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